"You have exactly the same amount of worth as Taylor Swift"
A tribute to Alisia Francise and other girls wondering about their true worth in a world that elevates a handful of demigods as way-more-special than everyone else.
At Emma’s funeral
Alisia came to Utah as a little girl after Hurricane Katrina. Early on in Louisiana, she got left home a lot with her younger siblings, including the day the home began flooding. On that day, she helped her brother and sister climb on the roof to save their lives.
That was just one of many experiences that no little girl should have to experience - all of which eventually ended up placing her in Utah’s foster system for children needing help.
That’s where Monique and I met this bright-eyed, traumatized 13-year-old teenager. We lived with her in a group home for struggling girls, that we had the opportunity to supervise early in our marriage. Being in that home wasn’t an easy experience for any of these girls, but Alisia was already a survivor - and did what she could to make friends with the other girls. There were challenging days - like when they decided to all get on the roof in an act of collective rebellion. But there were also sweet times. Alisia and I still have fond memories of reading books at night before bed, and she was diligent in trying to convince us both to name our soon-to-be-born baby after Justin Bieber, her teenage crush (we weren’t convinced).
In the years since Monique and I left that home, Alisia has moved many times, across many homes and placements (with 25 different numbers now saved in my phone). She’s no longer our little girl anymore, now a grown, young woman - and one who’s experienced far more sadness, loneliness, and anger than other women her age.
But she keeps going.
That’s only one reason we tell her we’re proud of her when we get to see her. And we mean it.
Celebrating Valentine’s Day together, 2023 - meeting up at a hotel for swimming together
To help Alisia deal with the many emotions she’s grappled with over the years, medical professionals have prescribed many different things over the years. At one point, I wrote her doctor directly asking for an explanation after she was placed on 10 different medications at the same time. Some of these medications include extra weight as a side-effect.
Some weeks, Alisia tells me she cries every night. We try to talk on the phone or Zoom once a week, and have arranged visits as often as we’ve been able to over the years.
At the mall together - our last visit together before Emma passed away
One of Alisia’s favorite things as a young girl was dancing to Michael Jackson music. When her heart needs a lift, she still dances and sings to music alone in her room.
Although my boys don’t have her same talent for dancing, Alisia loves them all the same - and asks about their lives when we talk. Tonight, she asked William if his teeth were still hurting with the braces. William likes to update her on his lizard Diego, and runs the phone down to his room so she can get a visual. Even when we only have a few minutes, she’s always excited to hear all the latest news - this soccer game, that birthday, etc.
Alisia worries about Monique and I, and prays for us - and we pray for her too. Every once in awhile, I can’t help but play the Dad role and sharing some encouragement and guidance.
At our visit last week
In our latest visit one week ago, I had a feeling I should tell Alisia something else specifically. Like everyone else, I’ve been seeing plenty of gushing headlines about Taylor Swift - who is both a brilliant musician, and now it seems everyone’s favorite human being.
One of the inadvertent effects of celebrity culture is the elevation of a subset of people as extra-super-duper-awesome compared with the rest of us. More beautiful. More valuable. More important. More worthy of affection.
And what about everyone else? We live in a time where only 4% of adult women around the world consider themselves beautiful according to a 2016 international survey (up from 2% in 2004). Likewise, only 11% of girls globally comfortable describing themselves as “beautiful.”
I believe this says more about society than it does about people themselves - an enlightened modern culture that has failed miserably to communicate to women (and men) their true worth. For me, this is one of the most priceless and powerful things about the gospel of Jesus Christ - which begins with the premise that every one of us is a son and daughter of God, with infinite worth and potential.
Alisia holding Emma at our Valentine’s celebration
So, I told Alisia that afternoon, “I really want you to listen to this: You have exactly the same true worth as Taylor Swift. You are just as precious, just as valuable, and with an eternal potential just as bright.”
I wasn’t just saying that. I really believe it - and she felt it. “Why are you getting emotional?” Alisia asked me.
“Because I want you to remember this - and write it down when you get home, okay?”
When we called her today, I asked Alisia whether she remembered what I said and wrote it down. She said it was a little hazy, so I told her again.
I’ll keep telling her until she remembers.
Her last visit with Emma
Alisia and the I have started working together on her family history each Sunday for just a few minutes thanks to Zoom and FamilySearch - a highlight of the Sabbath. It’s been a blast. Starting with a few scattered names and dates she knew, we’ve been making progress getting to know some of the amazing people who came before her, who surely went through other hard things.
Many of these ancestors of her own - Dora, Whitney, and maybe Terrell (but we’re still trying to figure that one out) - have now moved on to their own bright future of continued learning and growth. They now know for themselves how much beauty and goodness this is ahead of us all.
I don’t want Alisia to wait till she knows. I want her to know right now about her infinite worth - and a future full of so many things to look forward to, especially as she learns to trust and love her true Father more and more.
“Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.” (1 Corinthians 2:9)
Do you know that, Alisia? Thank you for being part of our family. And for being so brave to keep going, on days you feel so alone and sad. One day soon, I hope you will be filled with that same hope, and the peace and joy of knowing fully-and-completely your deep and true worth - and the unending love that can surround you forever (from your perfect Father God, yes - but also from the enormous community of people who follow and love and trust Him too).
What a world it would be if all girls and women knew the same?
Alisia and Emma at Dad’s house in July 2023 after Farmington Festival Days