True beauty and its counterfeits
Imagine if all the daughters (and sons) of God knew their true worth and infinite value?
In a marriage, there are blessed moments where you get a deeper glimpse of your partner - their true worth and goodness.
I love it when that happens. It’s been happening more and more for me, including a few weeks ago, when I had a chance to see my own companion - really see her - for who she was.
In that moment, I was in awe of the light in Monique’s face. She was glowing - and I told her how lovely she was.
The very same day, a promo came out for the second season of the “Secret Lives of Mormon Wives” - which I’m not going to link to, and wouldn’t encourage you to look up - if you’re among those fortunate enough not to encounter any of its heavy marketing.
For the rest of you, some visuals from the show may have accosted you - widely and energetically promoted online as it has been. This is a reality show that even fans call “trashy,” and even impartial observers can see how it effectively exploits these women’s connection with the Church of Jesus Christ to get more attention and associated profit.
For those again blessedly out of the loop, here’s my own version of an appropriate tagline for the 2nd season: Not-so-secret lives of women marginally associated with the Church of Jesus Christ using their globally recognized faith as a platform to put themselves out there, while showing even more skin than last year.
There’s a trend among celebrities in recent years to show as much of their bodies as possible. That rigid compliance and meek conformity to Hollywood standards is apparent as these women expose themselves in tell-all drama.
Which, of course, is what women and men do all the time these days online and in social media, in all sorts of sexualized ways - and for all sorts of reasons (including due to coercion, more than we realize).
But the big difference here is that the women featured in this top-selling Hulu show aren’t just representing and sharing themselves. They are being vigorously portrayed as somehow representing my people, as a Latter-day Saint faith community.
In doing so, they and the men around them have consciously given the world an appalingly misshapen sense of who most Latter-day Saints actually are - “misrepresenting a whole, entire faith,” as my wife puts it.
Which brings me back to where I started. After telling Monique about the women in this show’s glitzy marketing trailer, it felt important to tell her something more.
Knowing full-well how this 45-year old darling woman now sees herself (“not like I used to be”), I told what I feel so deeply to be the truth:
“You are 100X more beautiful than any of these glamorous younger women baring it all to the world.”
I don’t think my wife seriously believes that.* But I do. I believe it’s absolutely true.
Imagine how the world would be different if all women (and the men around them) truly saw in themselves real, whole-souled beauty and knew what that was actually about … yes, including these newfound celebrities?
One day, I believe that’s how the world will be. For now, though, we continue to swim, as the Buddhists say, in “delusion” (a lovely way to describe what Christians call the “fallen world”).
Surrounded by endless nonsense, it’s so-very-easy to be socialized into seductive silliness. Don’t be surprised if you start acting like the Kardashians if you keep watching them with bated breath!
“Tell me what you pay attention to and I will tell you who you are,” wrote Spanish philosopher José Ortega y Gasset 100 years ago.
Where is the focus and attention of this show’s characters going?
A Washington Post commentator, Ashley Fetter Maloy, described the “squabbling”…the “factions” and “snubs” - the “catty pranks,” the “lying” and the “soft swinging” featured in the show. About these men and women featured in the show, she then says “it’s striking how infrequently they question what God might think about any of it.”
These women know better. They’ve been taught what every Latter-day Saint has been taught - and most Christians and other people of faith for that matter (about chastity and purity, about family and marriage, about discipline and commitment).
Yet their pulsing, aching desire for some kind of attention compels them to lay that aside for their chance at fame and fortune.
I wonder: Have these individuals stopped to consider - really consider - what this sexualized spectacle means for the millions of onlookers genuinely curious about this faith…many of whom could be dearly and deeply impacted by knowing it truly?
It’s all very sad.
If you’re interested in a sure path to misery, try this: Do whatever you want-and-feel-like, despite your better sense, or what your conscience says, or what you’ve promised.
Yes, forget about what God says about any of this - along with what any of your choices will ultimately mean for your family and community as a whole.
Whatever else you may think about this show - and I hope you think about it as little as you possibly can, despite this essay - let’s not pretend these women are demonstrating anything truly legitimate about faith generally or the Church of Jesus Christ specifically.
And let’s not pretend any of them are demonstrating anything at all about what’s truly, deeply beautiful.
*Truth be told, Monique doesn’t think about appearances all that much in the first place. Her mind and heart are consumed in other things - better things.
If you know someone who would appreciate some smart commentary on the show, here are the best takes from some remarkable women I’m lucky to know and get to work with personally:
Amanda Freebairn: Hulu makes sure the bitter consequences of ‘sexual liberation’ for families are no secret)
with Meagan Koehler: Why is it exciting to watch others betray their faith and families on Hulu?
Camille Smith: The 'actual life' of this 'Mormon wife'
Sarah Jane Weaver: The ‘Secret Lives of Mormon Wives’ does not represent me
Meagan Koehler: Living the gospel makes women less consumed in superficial appearance
Thanks