The kind of person porn trains us to become
According to the best research available, porn shapes humans who are sadder, more anxious, more isolated and aggressive, less loving, less clear-minded, less connected to God and definitely less free.
We usually talk about pornography in terms of right and wrong, healthy and unhealthy, addictive or not addictive. Those are all important questions. But there is another question that I believe matters even more: What kind of person does pornography train us to become?
What many may not realize is that pornography does not merely show us something. Over time, it teaches us to see differently, desire differently, relate differently, and live differently. Like every repeated habit of the heart and mind, it forms us. The question is: How?
That’s what I explore below: not merely what pornography does in a moment, but what recurring pornography use appears to make of a man or woman over time.
‘This is just who I naturally am’
This inquiry may sound strange to those who believe our desires simply reveal who we already are —and that whatever we feel, want, crave, or choose should be welcomed and celebrated as our authentic self.
But what these people are missing is that we human beings are not only expressing ourselves. We are also becoming ourselves.
Every repeated choice leaves a mark. Every place we direct attention, every private ritual or indulgence, every focus we return to again and again teaches the heart what to love, the mind what to expect, and the body what to seek.
Pornography is no exception. Instead of merely consumed and then forgotten, this highly intensive media trains. It habituates. It forms.
So more than simply asking “Is pornography wrong?” or “Is pornography addictive?” I think we need spend more time exploring: What kind of human being does pornography viewing shape over time?
Rather than just speculating, I offer below some data-driven answers to the question, thanks to the work of my late colleague Gary Wilson, who I wrote about for Deseret News after his passing (“The atheist who warned the world about porn addiction”).
This remarkable man poured the final years of his life into an incredible website, “Your Brain On Porn” that changed the public conversation about this issue and still remains today among the best repositories of the available evidence.
Based on the preponderance of research detailed there, here are seven things we can safely say about the kind of human being that recurring porn use produces:
A human being who is sadder and more anxious
A human being who is less able to show love
A human being who is more willing to be aggressive and treat women poorly
A human being who is more isolated
A human being who is more confused and less able to see reality clearly
A human being who is less connected with spiritual practices and God
A human being who is less emotionally free
In order to make clear how much scientific backing this has, I dig into some of the relevant literature and hyperlink the studies so you can review them yourself. Then, I highlight a few larger takeaways at the end (skip there if you don’t need to see any of the research).
7 Ways Porn Shapes How a Person Lives
1. A human being who is sadder and more anxious
On his website, Gary Wilson noted that “over 85 studies link porn use to poorer mental-emotional health & poorer cognitive outcomes.” See for yourself, starting with depression:
A nationally representative, cross-sectional telephone survey of 1501 children and adolescents (ages 10-17 years) found that “online seekers versus offline seekers are more likely to report clinical features associated with depression.” (2005)
Pornography users “compared to nonusers, reported greater depressive symptoms, poorer quality of life, more mental- and physical-health diminished days, and lower health status.” (2011)
“Participants in the cybersex group were more likely to report being depressed than participants in the addicted/no cybersex group.” (2012)
“Adults who had watched an X-rated movie in the past year were ….less likely to report being happy with their marriage or happy overall.” (2014)
“The ratio of depression was 2.8% in the subjects who used pornography less than 1 time/week, and was 14.6% in those with a frequency of more than 3 times/week.” The authors noted, “After adjustment with physical activity and sleep quality, the frequency of pornography use was still positively correlated with the scores of depression, anxiety and stress.” (2017)
“Even after controlling for a variety of demographic factors, impulsivity, pornography acceptance, and the general perception of sexual content as pornographic, the accumulated total viewing of sexual content was still significantly linked to higher levels of depressive symptoms as found in previous studies. (Importantly, even those people who didn’t think the sexually explicit material they were viewing was “pornographic,” they were still more likely to report higher depression). (2018)
“Depressive symptoms were associated with pornography use”—with associations that “held beyond age, gender, and moral disapproval” and “persisted stably over 2 years.” (2026)
Among college students, compulsive porn use/problematic porn use was associated with depression. (2026)
Anxiety was more likely among porn users as well, such as one 2015 study that found compulsive porn users were “significantly more likely to report a history of anxiety problems.”
“Cybersex compulsives and at-risk users … invest an inordinate amount of their time, money, and energy in the pursuit of Cybersex experiences with negative intrapersonal ramifications in terms of depression, anxiety.” (2005)
“Frequency of viewing was significantly related to each psychosocial variable [depression, anxiety, stress, social functioning], such that more viewing was related to greater problems.” (2012)
Individuals with compulsive sexual behavior reported “more depressive and anxiety symptoms, higher levels of stress, poorer self-esteem, and higher rates of social anxiety disorder” compared with those not engaged in these same compulsive patterns. (2013)
Even though individuals with major psychiatric conditions were excluded, porn addicted subjects “had higher depression and anxiety scores.” (2014)
“Hypersexual behavior was related to higher scores on measures of …both depressed mood and anxiety.” (2015)
“Psychiatric comorbidities, especially mood, anxiety, and personality disorders, are the rule rather the exception for people with compulsive sexual behaviors.” (2016)
“Those who reported pornography addiction …reported poorer physical and psychological health.” (2016)
“Heightened depressive symptoms…”lethargy and amotivation,” “elevated social anxiety” all showed up as themes among porn users in a 2023 study.
“Mentally and emotionally, Early Engagers (saw adult material for the first time around age 14 and began a regular viewing habit by age 18) reported the highest rates of psychological distress. They scored higher on screening tools for depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts than the other groups.” (2026)
These mental health associations show up among teenagers too:
Porn use was associated with “low mood” and “unexplained anxiety” among adolescents. (2017)
“Adolescents’ exposure to online pornography was associated with depressive symptoms.” This longitudinal study provides especially robust “empirical support for the long-term effects of intentional exposure to online pornography on depression over time.” (2018)
Bottom line: When junk media is where people spend their emotional energy, time and attention, they feel worse about their lives. This shows up in the correlations with self-esteem:
Problematic Sexual Behaviors “was associated with worse quality of life, lower self-esteem, and higher rates of comorbidities across several disorders.” (2016)
Nelson et al. (2010) suggested that higher levels of self-worth were related to lower pornography use patterns. The present study’s findings reinforce the negative correlation of self-esteem and pornography use.” (2017)
“Multivariate analyses revealed that increased pornography use was associated with greater dissatisfaction with muscularity, body fat and height; greater eating disorder symptoms; more frequent thoughts about using anabolic steroids; and lower quality of life.” (2017)
“Greater consumption of (sexually explicit material) was directly related to more negative body attitude and both depressive and anxious symptomology.” (2017)
Among women, pornography consumption in the last month was significantly related with lower self-esteem. (2018)
Given all this, it should not surprise us to see the opposite pattern also appearing:
Among young men, “those who did not use pornography (compared to those who did) reported … higher levels of self-worth and identity development regarding dating and family, and…lower levels of depression.” (2010)
“Young people who do not have sexually explicit content on the Internet have a higher level general self-assessment than young people using this content with frequency several times a month. This translates into more confidence in yourself and a better opinion about yourself and a stronger sense of your own values.” “Test subjects shunned by erotica on the Internet are also characterized higher level of identity integration than other participants in the research.” (2018)
One qualification: Could all these problems be leading people towards porn?
It’s tempting to look at all this and say, “well sure, if you struggle with depression, anxiety, attention problems, isolation, sexual problems—wouldn’t you be more inclined to use porn?”
That’s true, of course, and certainly also happening. But it would be a mistake to dismiss the direct influence of porn on all these same areas. Both are happening. In fact, Wilson notes there are also “over 90 studies demonstrating internet use & porn use causing negative outcomes & symptoms, and brain changes.”
2. A human being who is less able to show love
“Over 80 studies link porn use to less sexual and relationship satisfaction,” Gary Wilson noted. Here are just a few examples:
“Cybersex compulsives,” reports a 2005 study “invest an inordinate amount of their time, money, and energy in the pursuit of Cybersex experiences with negative intrapersonal ramifications in terms of depression, anxiety, and problems with felt intimacy with their real-life partners.”
One 2014 study found that adults who had watched an X-rated movie in the past year were more likely to be divorced, more likely to have had an extramarital affair, and less likely to report being happy with their marriage or happy overall. The researchers also found that, for men, pornography use reduced the positive relationship between frequency of sex and happiness.
“Problematic porn use was linked to far lower scores on lower sexual passion, sexual satisfaction & life satisfaction. In comparison, the group that scored highest on all these measures had the least problematic porn use.” (2019)
By contrast, getting porn out of people’s lives is correlated with an increased or returning ability to love:
“Abstinence renders people more altruistic. Abstinence renders people more extroverted, more conscientious, and less neurotic.” (2016)
“Students who do not use erotic sites, experience more social support, they feel more loved and accepted by relatives than their colleagues reaching for erotic content on the Internet. This translates into their more optimistic assessment of their future relationships.” (2018)
Both men and women are impacted
Every study Wilson found exploring the sexual/relational impact of porn with males demonstrated a negative impact. While a handful of studies report little effect of women’s porn use on their sexual and relationship satisfaction, he emphasized that “many do report negative effects” (check out his review of 45 studies focused on pornography’s impacts on female arousal, sexual satisfaction, and relationships).
Romantic attachment impacted
More than simply influencing the “feeling” in a relationship, the impact of porn appears tied to deeper attachment patterns:
“Frequency of pornography use and problematic pornography use were related to greater gender role conflict, more avoidant and anxious attachment styles, poorer relationship quality, and less sexual satisfaction.” (2014)
“Men’s frequency of pornography use was …positively linked to negative affect indirectly through romantic attachment anxiety and avoidance, and …negatively linked to positive affect indirectly through relationship attachment anxiety and avoidance.” (2014)
Sexual function disrupted
Wilson covered “over 50 studies linking porn use/porn addiction to sexual problems and lower arousal to sexual stimuli” (adding that “the first seven studies in the list demonstrate causation, as participants eliminated porn use and healed chronic sexual dysfunctions”). Here are a few examples:
Compulsive porn users were “significantly more likely to report a history ….of sexual functioning problems (71% vs. 31%) with delayed ejaculation being the most commonly reported sexual functioning problem.” (2015)
“Hypersexual behavior was related to higher scores on measures of sexual excitation, sexual inhibition due to the threat of performance failure, trait impulsivity.” (2015)
Common themes included “subsequent decreased quality of sexual intimacy with real partners,” “reduced sexual drive when offline,” “diminished sexual functioning,” “reduced orgasm functioning and sexual satisfaction with real partners.” (2023)
3. A human being who is more willing to be aggressive and treat women poorly
More than 40 studies link porn use to “un-egalitarian attitudes” toward women and sexist views, according to Wilson. One larger 2016 review looked at 109 publications that contained 135 studies between 1995 and 2015, concluding:
Regular, everyday exposure to this content is directly associated with a range of consequences, including higher levels of body dissatisfaction, greater self-objectification, greater support of sexist beliefs and of adversarial sexual beliefs, and greater tolerance of sexual violence toward women. Moreover, experimental exposure to this content leads both women and men to have a diminished view of women’s competence, morality, and humanity.
In another 2015 meta-analysis Wilson cites, “A Meta‐Analysis of Pornography Consumption and Actual Acts of Sexual Aggression in General Population Studies,” the authors examine 22 studies from 7 different countries and conclude:
Consumption was associated with sexual aggression in the United States and internationally, among males and females, and in cross-sectional and longitudinal studies. Associations were stronger for verbal than physical sexual aggression, although both were significant. The general pattern of results suggested that violent content may be an exacerbating factor.
So no, porn use hasn’t reduced rape rates, Wilson added. Remarkably, more than 100 100 studies link porn use to sexual aggression, coercion & violence. (See also his write-up, “Rape rates are on the rise, so ignore the pro-porn propaganda.”)
Three other relevant studies:
One 2014 study found that “participants who were more physiologically aroused by and spent more time viewing the non-consensual sexual imagery nominated significantly later stopping points on the date-rape analogue task.”
Among men in the UK, “those who reported pornography addiction were much more likely to engage in a variety of risky antisocial behaviours, including heavy drinking, fighting, and weapon use.” (2016)
One 2019 study found porn viewing leading to “unethical behavior” in other areas (business)—which they explained as connected with “increased moral disengagement from dehumanization of others due to viewing pornography.”
This association between pornography use and aggression also appears among adolescents. For instance:
“Compared to non-pornographic Internet site users, infrequent pornographic Internet site users were twice as likely to have abnormal conduct problems; frequent pornographic Internet site users were significantly more likely to have abnormal conduct problems.” (2009)
“Mesch found that greater quantities of pornography consumption were significantly correlated with lower degrees of social integration, specifically related to religion, school, society, and family. The study also found a statistically significant relationship between pornography consumption and aggressiveness in school.” (2009)
In a 2012 review of the research, “The Impact of Internet Pornography on Adolescents,” the researchers state:
Collectively, these studies suggest that youth who consume pornography may develop unrealistic sexual values and beliefs. Among the findings, higher levels of permissive sexual attitudes, sexual preoccupation, and earlier sexual experimentation have been correlated with more frequent consumption of pornography…. Nevertheless, consistent findings have emerged linking adolescent use of pornography that depicts violence with increased degrees of sexually aggressive behavior.
They continue:
Girls report feeling physically inferior to the women they view in pornographic material, while boys fear they may not be as virile or able to perform as the men in these media. Adolescents also report that their use of pornography decreased as their self-confidence and social development increased. Additionally, research suggests that adolescents who use pornography, especially that found on the Internet, have lower degrees of social integration, increases in conduct problems, higher levels of delinquent behavior, higher incidence of depressive symptoms, and decreased emotional bonding with caregivers.
Narcissism and personality disorders
Two studies highlight the impact of long-term porn use on deeper elements of personality:
“The hours spent viewing Internet pornography use was positively correlated to participants’ narcissism level. Additionally, those who have ever used Internet pornography endorsed higher levels of all three measures of narcissism than those who have never used Internet pornography.” (2014)
More broadly, one 2018 study on internet use and “dark personality traits” found that “online sexual use” was related to dark personality traits (machiavellianism, psychopathy, narcissism, sadism, and spitefulness).
Gary Wilson asked, “How would these traits differ after an extended period of time without porn.”
4. A human being who is more isolated
Studies consistently find a connection between regular porn use and loneliness:
“Results showed a significant association between Internet pornography usage and loneliness.” (2005)
“Results from our analyses revealed significant and positive associations between pornography use and loneliness.” (2017)
“It was further revealed that a significant direct relationship between loneliness and sexual compulsivity exists.” (2017)
“Analyses also revealed that the higher the prevalence of pornography use, the higher the prevalence of sexually related online activities, and the higher the loneliness and insecure attachment orientations (anxiety and/or avoidance).” (2018)
Shyness also shows up: “Shyness was positively associated with solitary sexual behaviors of masturbation and pornography use for men.” (2013)
And individuals with compulsive sexual patterns also show “higher rates of social anxiety disorder” (2013) and “elevated social anxiety.” (2023)
This can show up in how adolescents connect with family members:
“Lower levels of emotional bonding with their caregiver” among young people involved in porn. (2005)
In relation to family functioning, “mutuality, communication and harmony were negatively related to pornography consumption.” (2012)
Interestingly, some of this may improve when pornography use stops. As one 2026 study reported: “We found that those individuals who did not use pornography or did not masturbate during the past year had significantly lower levels of mental distress and loneliness than those who did.”
5. A human being who is more confused and less able to see reality clearly
The number of studies linking porn use and poorer cognitive outcomes is striking, especially those focused on executive functioning. Wilson, who highlights altered prefrontal circuits and sensitization in porn addicts, called poor executive functioning in the presence of addictive cues a “hallmark of substance disorders” and a “key brain feature occurring in drug addicts.” This involves “hypofrontality” which is reflected in temporarily “decreased cerebral blood flow and reduced metabolic activity in the prefrontal cortex of the brain.”
Poor executive functioning is reflected in a number of studies:
“Hypersexual behavior was positively correlated with global indices of executive dysfunction,” one 2010 study reported—in line with the fact that “patients seeking help for hypersexual behavior often exhibit features of impulsivity, cognitive rigidity, poor judgment, deficits in emotion regulation, and excessive preoccupation with sex.”
One study found men with cybersex addictive tendencies showing evidence of decreased ability in “exerting cognitive control over a multitasking situation that involves pornographic pictures”—suggesting this may “be one mechanism in the development and maintenance of cybersex addiction.” (2015)
Problematic sexual behaviors (PSB) “was associated with ….deficits across several neurocognitive domains, including motor inhibition, spatial working memory, and an aspect of decision making.” (2016)
Another 2016 study found that people with problematic sexual behaviors exhibited neurocognitive deficits, including poorer executive functioning.
The authors conclude, “it is possible to trace the problems evident in PSB and additional clinical features, such as emotional dysregulation, to particular cognitive deficits.”
The most immediate consequence of such poor executive function is the classically poor decision-making associated with addiction, which a 2013 study found was worse “in the presence of sexually explicit images.” These researchers concluded that “sexual arousal interfered with decision-making.”
Struggles to remember and learn
“German scientists have discovered that Internet erotica can diminish working memory,” Wilson summarizes from a 2013 study that found “working memory was worst during the porn viewing and that greater arousal augmented the drop.” They conclude: “Results contribute to the view that indicators of sexual arousal due to pornographic picture processing interfere with working memory performance.”
Sexual arousal may also distract attention from consequential information: “Sexual arousal could reduce their attention and physiological sensitivity to monetary losses.” (2018)
One 2017 study highlighted a “lack of a learning effect by the sexually compulsive group when they were sexually stimulated.” They added, “These data support the idea that sexually compulsive men do not take advantage of the possible learning effect from experience, which could result in better behavior modification.”
These same cognitive impacts show up with adolescent studies, including working memory:
“Our results showed diminishing memory capability on pornography addiction. Working memory is known to have an important role in maintaining goal-oriented behavior; therefore, our findings suggested that pornography-addicted juveniles may have a problem in doing so.” (2019)
Porn use also correlates with basic academic struggles:
“Watching horror, action, or pornographic films was associated with lower test scores.” (2008)
A longitudinal study over a six-month period found that “an increased use of Internet pornography decreased boys’ academic performance six months later.” (2015)
Most students who are involved in pornographic activities do not do well in academics and most times even procrastinate their work. (2019)
For both adolescents and adults, the larger impact on concentration, focus and attention shows up as well:
Visiting porn sites were associated with lack of concentration. (2017)
A 2018 study found that “excessive Internet use has an impact on the development of cognitive deficits similar to those found in ADHD.”
A 2023 study likewise found “cognitive deficits shortly after using pornography.”
Compared with young adults without compulsive sexual behavior, those who struggled compulsively had higher rates of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder. (2013)
“Due to the structural immaturity of the adolescent brain and relative inexperience, they are unable to process the myriad nature of sexual content online which may lead to attention problems, anxiety, and depression.” (2017)
6. A human being who is less connected with spiritual practices and God
Pornography use is often associated with a measurable thinning of prayer, worship, spiritual confidence, and religious participation—which has been documented largely by Samuel Perry, a sociologist at the University of Oklahoma. Here are several of his findings:
Perry in 2017 found in “Does Viewing Pornography Diminish Religiosity Over Time?” that people who viewed pornography at one point in time reported “more religious doubt, lower religious salience, and lower prayer frequency” at at later time point compared to those who never viewed porn.
His study among young Americans, entitled “How Viewing Pornography Shapes the Religious Lives of Young Americans,” explored “whether viewing pornography may actually have a secularizing effect, reducing young Americans’ personal religiosity over time.” Data over time show that “more frequent pornography viewing diminishes religious service attendance, importance of religious faith, prayer frequency, and perceived closeness to God, while increasing religious doubts”—an effect that holds for both boys and girls and is especially strong for teenagers.
In another 2017 longitudinal report by the same team, married Americans who never viewed pornography prayed with their spouses more often than average, while moderate users prayed together less.
In “How Pornography Use Reduces Participation in Congregational Leadership,” Perry reported in 2019 that the more frequently people viewed pornography at an earlier point in time, the less likely they were to hold a leadership role or serve on a committee in their congregation over the next six years—even after controlling for religious commitment and other factors.
7. A human being who is less emotionally free
I wish this point were the most obvious. But because of an ongoing, concerted effort to portray pornography and sex addiction as somehow “controversial,” it has become a fraught subject.
But it shouldn’t be. Consider how nearly all of the dozens of neuroscience-based studies (MRI, fMRI, EEG, neuropsychological, hormonal) published on porn users and sex addicts support the addiction model, as Wilson made clear on his website.
Those findings, by the way, “mirror the neurological findings reported in substance addiction studies,” as Wilson underscored. Likewise, “over 60 studies report findings consistent with escalation of porn use (tolerance), habituation to porn, and even withdrawal symptoms (all signs and symptoms associated with addiction).”
Accompanying this evidence of addictive escalation to more extreme material, Wilson identified an additional 15 studies reporting withdrawal symptoms in porn users. For instance, one 2023 study found pornography users speaking about a “need for greater stimulation over time,” and shifting frequently to other kinds of images “typically to heighten or maintain arousal.”
Over 30 literature reviews & commentaries by some of the top neuroscientists in the world “all support the addiction model,” Wilson added—providing further confirmation.
Addictive features aside, there are also many studies documenting decreased impulse control associated with porn use. For instance:
“Porn use increases impulsivity and may reduce certain executive functions (self-control, judgment, foreseeing consequences, impulse control).” (2017)
“Erotica users…. exhibited more impulsive choice patterns …than erotica non-users did.” (2008)
“The more pornography that participants consumed, the more they saw the future rewards as worth less than the immediate rewards, even though the future rewards were objectively worth more.” (2015)
“Hypersexual behavior was related to higher scores on measures of …trait impulsivity.” (2015)
“Subjects who do not use erotic content have a greater sense of self-control than their peers … who use from erotic sites several times a month and more often….It’s about greater control over your emotions.” (2018)
“Impulsivity … (was) significantly higher in porn-using college students.” (2023)
Porn users are also more likely to experience other kinds of compulsive-addictive patterns. One earlier 2005 study, for instance, found more “substance use in the previous year” among adolescents using pornography. Other similar studies of adults found pornography use associated with:
More “compulsive buying, pathological gambling, and kleptomania.” (2013)
More “heavy drinking” and “using illegal drugs (and) gambling.” (2016)
“More symptoms related to problematic drinking, cannabis use, and gambling” (2026) and “more alcohol abuse.” (2026)
The opposite pattern also appears: abstinence from porn may strengthen self-control and delayed gratification. As a 2016 study concludes: “Abstaining from pornography and masturbation increases the ability to delay rewards. Participating in a period of abstinence renders people more willing to take risks.”
Two important qualifications
1. Pornography is one of many influences
None of this is to suggest that deep sadness, anxiety, isolation, aggression, spiritual disconnection, or compulsive patterns have simple causes. Human beings are complex, and suffering rarely has only one explanation.
Nor is this meant to overwhelm or shame anyone who has struggled with pornography, especially those who are already weary of their own struggle. These people should be the most aware of how porn use has shaped their lives, but they can’t always see it after a certain amount of time.
For many of them, they start to fall into “this is just who I am” or “this is just how life is” or “people around me are just hard to deal with” or “God isn’t there for me”…little realizing how much porn may have shaped this all.
2. Family members, especially children and spouses, are also ‘trained to become’ different in concerning ways
Porn use also profoundly influences the kind of person surrounding people become as well, with many studies confirming concerning impacts on family members of someone using pornography. Here’s just one example:
“Current and previous partner pornography use were related to higher (eating disorder) symptomatology, adjusting for age and women’s reports of being bothered by this use. Partner thinness-related pressure and previous partner pornography use were associated with ED symptomatology both directly and through thin-ideal internalization, whereas current partner pornography use was directly associated with ED symptomatology.” (2019)
There’s so much more here that needs to be understood and explored, but outside the scope of this article.
Key points
I hope several conclusions are clear from the foregoing evidence.
First, pornography does not merely show a person something. Over time, it teaches a person to become someone.
Recurring pornography use, as illustrated above, forms human beings who are sadder and more anxious, less able to show love, more willing to be aggressive and treat women poorly, more isolated, more confused and less able to see reality clearly, less connected with God, and less emotionally free.
Second, as reflected here, the most serious cost of pornography may not be what sexually explicit material elicits in a moment, but what it quietly makes a person become over time.
Thus, it may be helpful to shift public discourse away from asking only, “Is pornography wrong?” and toward asking, “What kind of person is this training me to become?”
Third, I hope this insight could make a difference for those walking their own inspired path of recovery. Freedom is not doing whatever desire demands. Freedom is becoming the kind of person whose desires are increasingly ordered toward love and goodness, truth and transcendence—to become, as Matt Dobschuetz puts it, “the type of man that does not look at porn.”
The most important message
If you would like to become sadder, more anxious, more isolated, less capable of love, more willing to be aggressive, more confused about reality, less connected with God, and less emotionally free, the research suggests one reliable way to move in that direction: keep giving pornography your time, attention, imagination, and heart’s desire.
But if you want to become more whole, more clear-minded, more connected, more gentle, more loving, more spiritually alive, and more free at the deepest levels, then pornography is not merely a private habit to “manage.” It becomes a formative influence to resist.
Don’t give into despair—hope always!
The hopeful news is that human beings are not only formed by what has happened in the past. We are also formed by what we choose next.
The same heart and mind that can be trained toward escape, objectification, isolation, and compulsion can also be retrained toward beautiful presence, love, self-command, truth, and sweet communion with God.
If you know someone grappling, please encourage them to keep learning, keep growing, keep changing, keep getting up —and above all, keep being hopeful. Don’t give up! Lasting freedom can absolutely be yours. As my dear friend Vinny, likes to say, “if you knew how good deep recovery is, you’d put on your track shoes and race to get there!”
Pornography may shape a person over time, but it does not have the final word on who anyone can become—no matter how long it has messed with your heart and mind, or obscured a future of the sweetest joy, love and peace.
Don’t give up on lasting freedom until you find it. It’s time to “arise from the dust” and reach for the living God’s help to “shake off the chains with which ye are bound, and come forth out of obscurity.”