For my politically overwhelmed friends

While some of my loved ones are thrilled, others are scared and frustrated. This list of my 100 political peacemaking articles are for both groups - but especially the latter who are hurting most.

Photo by Jackson Simmer on Unsplash

Many people I care about most are suffering right now due to our nation’s politics. Some are really scared. Others can’t stop feeling mad. Most are feeling fresh estrangement from friends and family who see U.S. politics differently - with some even compelled to cut off anyone on their social media who disagrees with them.

I’ve also heard stories about flesh-and-blood families cutting themselves off. And one about someone unsure they can worship any more with people who disagree with them politically.

All this feels pretty serious to me - a serious escalation of hostilities that have already been at a boiling point for nearly a decade. For anyone who considers themselves a peacemaker, this is all-hands-on-deck time - a crucial moment to invite people who will listen away from drowning in rising resentment and estrangement.

I don’t know why I’ve been so drawn to political peacemaking over the last two decades. But maybe this is why. I’ve written nearly 100 articles on peacemaking over the last decade - most in Deseret News and Publish Square Magazine, and never featured here.

I include them all below as a 100 article care package - from my home and heart to yours. I’m grateful for my colleagues and editors at Deseret News and PSM for making these articles so much better with their feedback. You will know best what your heart and mind needs; below are some things I’ve found to be helpful.

Truth really does make us free - especially the Truth. And I believe the reason I don’t feel weighed down emotionally right now, is because of what I’ve learned and felt in writing these articles.

So, you’ll find 20 different gentle nudges from me below - each a main theme of my political peacemaking articles over the last decade. The overall message is this: You may not have to be so angry and scared right now. Among other things, this emotional weight reduces your power to bless those around you. Keep digging till you find more peace, joy and love - which is available to all who seek those gifts with faith. I hope these articles will help you find more of that too.

1. Stop panicking

First of all, stop hyperventilating. This is the first rule for a backpacker lost in the woods - not because their situation is not serious, but because if you fall into a state of panic, you don’t have a clear head to do anything else!

So, if you’re convinced Trump is on his way to fascist rule - refusing to leave power, disregarding any constitutional safeguards…take a deep breath, and have just a little more trust in our system! None of the experts I’ve interviewed since the election agrees with such dire diagnoses.

You don’t have to believe me - consider NYT podcaster Ezra Klein’s message on political overwhelm (I don’t agree this is intentional on the part of the Trump administration, but Klein’s overall message I think could be helpful to anyone in a state of panic).

I’ve been recommending to some people “Bret & Gail therapy” - listening into the ongoing exchange between these two friends, Bret Stephens and Gail Collins - one liberal and one conservative - both of whom have concerns about the new President (Stephens is more sympathetic towards concerns of Trump voters).

2. Be (more) careful with the N-word, the D-word and the F-word

Nazi, dictator and fascist. These words are associated throughout history with the intentional, callous death of millions of people during the 20th century.

To use them right now - one month into a presidency that half the country is still cheering, is astonishingly premature at best - and far more likely to be an embarrassing memory one day. What you can count on for sure, however, is these words estranging you from people God probably still wants you to have some softness towards, even if you do currently see them as enemies (that whole “love your enemies” thing).

One of the most respected columnists in the world, Nicholas Kristof of the New York Times, is no fan of President Trump. Yet he said this in his recent commentary critical of the president, “let’s get this out of the way: I think parallels with 1930s Germany are overdrawn and diminish the horror of the Third Reich; the word “fascism” may likewise muddy more than clarify. Having covered genuinely totalitarian and genocidal regimes, I can assure you that this is not that.”

3. Beware the monster stories

Speaking of enemies, let’s notice ways that we’ve been persuaded to see our political opposite arguably more harshly than they deserve:

• Americans see each other more harshly than reality justifies, new study demonstrates

• Don’t judge whole groups based on their worst members

Try not to assume those who believe differently than you are automatically coming from a sinister or malevolent place. That’s such a very painful place to live in! The single most powerful change I think could reduce people’s political suffering is to work on assuming the best - or in Paul and Mormon’s words - “think no evil, rejoice not in iniquity…believe all things, hope all things, endure all things.”

• What if Bill Gates really believes what he says?

• Monsters among us

• Assuming the worst

• Why bother engaging with stupid, duped, or evil people?

3. Accept that anger hurts you…period

Be clear-eyed at what continuing to personally carry such a burden of anger is doing to you:

• What chronic anger is doing to us

• Constant suspicion and resentment hurts. Do what you need to get it out of your system

And to your family too: Even young children are getting scared and angry about politics

Also, try to be honest with yourself about a subtle, creepy ‘comfort’ that strong anger towards political opposites may bring into your life. Look at that directly, so you can move beyond it: If you could escape all the anger about politics, would you want to?

Eliza Anderson, Deseret News

4. Don’t give up (so quickly) on relationships with those who disagree with you!

Don’t give up on maintaining vibrant relationships (friends and family) with others who disagree with you politically:

• Preserving family bonds even if you disagree fiercely on politics

• Are politics driving your family apart? 10 things to try

Rather than a burden, see these relationships as an opportunity to grow and learn.

• Learning from intense conflict

If you don’t currently feel an opportunity in existing relationships to do that, consider starting or re-kindling a new one!

• Is it time to start your own treasonous friendship?

5. Work to find admirable qualities or people on the other side

Try hard(er) to appreciate - really appreciate - that thoughtful, good-hearted people made a different decision in this election than you did (and not for malevolent reasons):

• Really wonderful people voted for that other candidate. Are you okay with that?

If you need some help at this, get to know Braver Angels - and the amazing things they’re doing to soften hearts and bring people together (politics be danged!)

• Can America’s guardian Angel help save it? (with Hal Boyd)

• The Book of Mormon warns against division, Elder Corbitt says at Braver Angels conference (with Hal Boyd)

• Can America’s polarization be healed? Braver Angels is trying

David Blankenhorn, founder and president of the Institute for American Values and Braver Angels, speaks to conservative members of Braver Angels at the Braver Angels National Convention at Gettysburg College in Gettysburg, Pa., on Thursday, July 6, 2023. Kristin Murphy, Deseret News

6. Nourish your own ‘better angels’

“We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies,” said Lincoln at his first inaugural address (one month before the Civil War began. “Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory will swell when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.”

Be like Lincoln. Even if we have difficult days ahead, leave a legacy in your words of encouraging people towards their better selves. To do this, you’re going to need strength to resist the mighty currents of malice. As part of that, appreciate those whose public messages are encouraging us to rest in a place deeper than all of those political differences - finding meaning, purpose and healing that goes well beyond what the world can offer:

• In an era of pointing fingers, prophets redirect us back to our own hearts

• Prophets on politics: Ten messages to an agitated, aggrieved America

As part of nourishing your hope, appreciate national leaders who are taking earnest and proactive steps towards more peace, here and there. It’s not all bad!

• Who’s leading Congress in political peacemaking (and division) this week? Check out the top 10 list

• Is it time to start your own treasonous friendship? (see also this list of Subversive friendships)

• In Gettysburg, Utah’s Gov. Cox calls for ‘sacrifice and selflessness’ to preserve America

Also, appreciate how elements of our history as a country can inspire us to deeper peace: America’s first partisan battle: What can we learn from Hamilton v. Jefferson?

If you haven’t seen Ken Burns’ documentaries, spend a little time with them - it will give you even more grounding.

Zoë Petersen, Deseret News

7. Laugh a little, breathe even more, and take replenishing breaks

Let yourself laugh a little … at least sometimes! The health of the Republic isn’t on your shoulders - so be a good citizen, but don’t take your contribution too seriously.

• Election humor that will make anyone smile ... maybe a little?

Take breaks - step away from it all:

• It’s okay to turn it off

• Nine times Jesus retreated to be alone with God

Maybe even appreciate what sports can teach us in intense moments like this:

• Friendship amid ferocious competition: What angry America could learn from the BYU-Utah rivalry

Credit: Thanks to Greg Olsen for creating such a beautiful image, “Worlds Without End” (click here to order a print)

8. Participate in peacemaking communities

Celebrate ways that some communities - perhaps especially faith communities - are learning how to inoculate and insulate themselves from political hostilities tearing so many relationships apart:

• National study finds Latter-day Saints are 'most resilient to political division and polarization''

• Latter-day Saint tabernacles have helped unite diverse communities for nearly 2 centuries

Appreciate there’s something positive about fostering community that bridges these divides:

• Latter-day Saints in the U.S. disagree about Trump vs. Biden, but enjoy worship together on Sunday

• BYU — the most politically balanced university in America? (with Stephen Cranney)

9. Pursue peace for your own health, sanity and growth.

Appreciate peace-making as a benefit (arguably an essential one) for our health personally and as families: Political peacemaking as a public health intervention

Don’t allow political hostilities to encroach in your sacred spaces of worship and faith! Culture war comes to church

10. Don’t embrace victimhood, please!

It’s easy in a climate of such uncertainty, frustration and fear, to begin to paint a picture that you’re besieged, marginalized, judged - with the whole world opposing your righteousness.

Please don’t. It’ll make everything worse - and it’s almost certainly not as true as you think it is.

If you struggle to find a comfortable place for yourself in today’s political landscape, realize you’re not alone: ‘I just can’t bring myself to support either candidate’: Why many American Latter-day Saints feel politically homeless

And appreciate the physiological reasons why it’s so easy to feel attacked and judged: Why everyone feels under attack right now

Zoë Petersen, Deseret News

11. Give up the war (with other people)

The war with evil is real - and worth focusing on. There’s another war, however, we have to be more wary about. Slowly release your grip on the idea that these times CALL ON US to get in the ‘battle’ - and confront/get in the face of other Americans

Resist the temptation to see political battling as the way forward. Pray till you have your own witness of this one - culture war is NOT what God wants. It’s a game changer for me!

• Liberals and conservatives don’t have to be at war

• More culture war won’t solve any of America’s problems

Please don’t stop believing we can do this as human beings, as families, and as a country!

• Dear America, we can still do this!

• Not who we are…right?

Zoë Petersen, Deseret News

12. From furious to curious

Convert some of your frustration or fear or sorrow into honest questions (as my friend Joan says, “get curious, not furious”). There’s a magic to curiosity - and if you can put your sincere concerns into the form of a question, it can spark real conversations that move you out of a rut:

• Is curiosity a practice you can get better at? Here's some advice from an expert on asking questions (with Mónica Guzmán)

• Good questions as a pathway to peace

13. Practice healthy disagreement

Insist on real space for disagreement that is healthy and not aggressive:

• Disagreement is not disunion

• Disagreeing without death threats

• The virtues of strong disagreement

Don’t give up on civility - or acquiesce for those who insist on seeing it only cynically

• How civility became a bad thing

14. Stay away from impossible framings

Keep an eye on certain framings that make conversation nigh impossible

• Are we pursuing impossible conversations?

• So, are you for women . . . or not?

Also, be aware of your own ‘red lines’ in communication - areas where it’s hard for people to disagree with you

• Is it okay to disagree about that?!

• How could you POSSIBLY disagree with me?

Remind yourself that even on the most personal and intense of questions (life and death and identity), it’s possible and beneficial to make space for disagreement:

• Can we disagree about identity and still love each other?

• Can we disagree about vaccines, masks and the virus without condemning each other?

• Dialogue on life and death matters

15. Don’t give up working for higher unity

Don’t ignore real common ground that still exists:

• Americans agree on way more than you think. How many of them can you guess?

And don’t give up on a higher unity we can still seek (and find) together:

• Reaching for a Zion beyond partisan warfare

• We can’t even agree on Vladimir Putin?

• Not giving up on a shared vision of truth

• A unity of heart transcending differences of mind

Recognize how basic words we used to take for granted as uniting us don’t necessarily mean the same thing anymore to everyone

• ‘I don’t think that word means what you think it means.’ What happens when Americans no longer define words the same way?

• Competing views of “inclusivity”

16. Listen to the non-angry people too

When it comes to serious policy questions facing us, allow yourself to think deeply and hear from serious commentators from different perspectives. For instance:

• The election results - Have we just witnessed a blow to American democracy, or evidence of its strength?

• The executive orders - America debates muscular executive power

• The immigration restrictions - Is it a crime to be in the country illegally?

• Threats on democracy as a whole - 'Saving American democracy' sounds nice. But what does that actually mean?

Get better at filtering out “grievance journalism” that intentionally stirs you up -

• What is grievance journalism and how do you know when you’ve encountered it?

• Our eagerness to scandalize

Zoë Petersen, Deseret News

And more discerning about lazy journalism that doesn’t really try to dig deep into the full truth about something:

• Is it journalism or a ‘hit piece’?

• Truth teller vs. propagandist: How to tell the difference

Overall, get more stingy with your attention - appreciating what a precious resource it is:

• Why do some experts believe there’s a society-wide 'serious crisis of attention' today?

• Inside the movement to 'rediscover the joy of undivided attention'

• Don’t allow the artificial to overwhelm the eternal, Elder David A. Bednar encourages

• Average Americans spend 63 times more time on television than personal religious practice (with Stephen Cranney)

17. Don’t give up on truth - or truth-seeking institutions!

Don’t give into the cynicism about our truth-seeking institutions. For instance, don’t give up on higher education - and the power and potential of university education

• No, college campuses are not doomed. Don’t miss the reasons for hope

• 'Diverse society needs a place to practice pluralism': Eboo Patel on the peacemaking potential of higher education

• The beauty at the heart of the academy worth fighting for

• (including technical education - Second thoughts about college? Why certificate-first schools like Ensign College and Davis Technical College are getting a second look)

Appreciate journalists and outlets you can trust - yes, like Deseret News - to work hard at this!

• 7 common ways journalistic ethics are being disregarded

• In praise (yes, really) of The New York Times

Don’t give up on the pursuit of truth - together:

• My truth? Your truth? No truth?

18. Look for creative ways to draw on truth from both sides

Instead of taking for granted widely-accepted battles like “DEI” vs. Anti-DEI (“the war on woke”) get curious about elegant ways to appreciate good intent and find ways forward that appreciate goodness. For instance, read up on the Christian version of diversity initiatives - and how it may avoid and resolve some of the serious problems secular versions have introduced, a topic that has long fascinated me:

• ‘We do diversity biblically’: How are Christian campuses talking about DEI-related work?

• Does social justice really have to divide us?

• How reimagining social justice could ease the culture war

• Iniquity or inequity: What is our fundamental problem?

• Systemic or soul change: what’s the deepest solution?

• Renounce or redeem: What’s to be done about the rebels?

• Competing narratives of danger in America

• Competing narratives of American redemption

• The best reason to think about social justice as a religion

• Invisible religion: The most popular religion in America doesn’t know it’s one

• Competing views of “inclusivity”

• Pitting Christian ministry and devotion against each other

The Notre Dame Golden Dome at the University of Notre Dame in South Bend, Ind., on Monday, June 28, 2021. Jeffrey D. Allred, Deseret News

19. Keep raising your voice in inspired ways

Don’t give up on persuasion either … part of the beauty of our public discourse is making a case for what we believe:

• Does anyone really change their mind anymore about anything?

• Why persuasion should be a sweet (not a dirty) word

• The threat of persuasion

• Our judgement against judgement

And raising your voice to preserve space to disagree as Americans:

• When universities don’t buckle to cancel culture

• Illiberal suppression of thought and diversity should worry the academy

• The silencing of the lambs

• What jobs are social conservatives allowed to have in America?

• This is what modern mobs look like

• What’s the greatest threat to public discourse?

• Then they came for Jefferson

• Outrage masquerading as virtue

• The mobs come from both sides now

Illustration by Michelle Budge, Deseret News

20. Refuse to give up empathy and compassion for your political opposite

Don’t dismiss the pain of people who are on the other side of the political aisle. “Mourn with those who mourn.”

• This is a painful moment for half of America. That should matter to the other half

Look at strong feelings - fears, sadness - as a chance for us to come together, rather than just pull apart more:

Americans are scared … about different things. Could that somehow help us unite?